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I chewed through a bag and ate $200 worth of makeup. I looked like a HARLOT
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I can't get out of bed... These blankets have accepted me as one of their own and if I leave now I might lose their trust.
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Girlfriend woke her ferret up by coming into the room loudly and was greeted with these absolute daggers
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The sh*t they make me do
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We can rebuild him; we have the technology
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Good for you, you found them. Now pick them up and put them with the rest of my things.
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Nice try ghosts.
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Bud Light knows what's up...
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Saw this at our office today...
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Thought there were battle droids in the car next to us
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When you stop at Taco Bell late one night and see a drunk woman ordering $50 worth of food...
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I just want a relationship as strong as this lady's heels.
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I have no idea who this person was, but I do know they had a great sense of humor.
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Me one hour after eating Taco Bell... I'm crowning. I'm crowning!
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HOW MY SON CRAWLS INTO OUR BED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT
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So my husband fell off the roof today...
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When i see drama i'm not involved in.
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I've never related more to our Dog, than when I found her hiding from her puppies.
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I'm 100% sure this flight is going to Florida...
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" My eyes are up here, Michael "
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Every Uber driver ever... this isn't my real job you know
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When you're at your breaking point, but you're hanging in there.
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MY HAPPINESS
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This is Ralph, he comes to collect our cat for playtime every day and waits outside like this
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I APPRECIATE YOU READING ME A STORY AND ALL, BUT... I ASKED FOR PEANUT BUTTER
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WOULD YOU BELIEVE THE DOG DID THIS?
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Mom
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there you are... mom has been looking everywhere for you! you'll miss your vet appointment!
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