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I'm allergic to whiskey it makes my knuckles bleed.
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Honey, men are like accessories... if they don't compliment your wardrobe, shop for another one.
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You may pat my head gently with YUR pinky finger
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How cats and men are the same They both fall asleep with remote in their hand / claw
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What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? 'Hold My purse.'
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Men be like  I'm finally ready to settle down.
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I like to start my morning with a bowl of male tears.
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Whenever a beautiful woman needs help. Oh my, i think I've dropped one of my contacts...
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Some days you just have to put on the hat to remind them who they are dealing with.
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Christmas Cards... "It doesn't come in black."
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Natural beauty is for lazy people.
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Don't be a chaser, be the one who gets chased. You are the Tequila, not the lime.
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Chics be like i hope he bring my car back before I'm late for work.
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When your hair appointment gets canceled after you've already taken out yo weave.
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You sit on a throne of lies.
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The look i give when walkins with extremely thin hair ask for an UPDO!!
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It's OK, you don't have to like or comment on my post i know you watching.
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Til you do right by me everything you even think about gonna fail!
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Why do i have to get married? I didn't do anything wrong.
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I saw you talking with the cashier. You smiled. Three times.
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Apple Macs can support windows even really old windows.
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My new year's resolution is 5760 x 1080
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Did you know that a slice of red onion in your DVD drive is an all natural way of protecting your computer against viruses?
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I killed a black snake why u not happy
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Time to upgrade?
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WHO WERE THESE STEPS MADE FOR?
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" Thank you for your business. You won't regret switching to Geico. "
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When I ordered pizza, I asked them to write a joke on the boxes...
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What's an adult problem nobody prepared you for? ... Fruit and vegetables expire faster when you're the one paying for them.
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I wish you the kind of joy my kids experience when the ketchup makes a fart sound.
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