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Survive shotgun to the chest with no medical attention. Ride horse into water and die instantly.
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When you stand next to your crush and someone says "ya'll should date." And  your crush says "ew".
19 Views
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When i call the wrong number: Random person: "Hello? Who is this?" Me:
16 Views
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I drink because you pretend to throw the ball, Dave
35 Views
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My dog met a fish the other day at the vet
23 Views
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Meet Harrison. He's a silly boy who falls asleep in weird positions.
20 Views
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I fluffed it up for you. You're welcome.
23 Views
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CAN I COME IN PLEASE? SO I CAN BEG TO GO OUTSIDE.
25 Views
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OH, I'M SORRY... WERE YOU READING THIS?
32 Views
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YOU WANT TO PEE? HOLD IT. I AM STILL SLEEPING.
20 Views
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Our new puppy is an asshole
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Never let them know your next step
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I hope everyone is having a great weekend, except for people who eat their fries like this.
36 Views
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When you're trying to act sober in the uber so the driver doesn't judge you
18 Views
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IT'S EASY TO FALL ASLEEP ON A COUCH UNTIL YOU NEED TO FALL ASLEEP ON A COUCH
17 Views
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Marriage is just your spouse perpetually standing in front of the kitchen drawer or cabinet you need to open.
22 Views
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Your tastebuds can't repel the flavor of this magnitude!
14 Views
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Making my way downtown, walking fast, faces pass and I'm ignoring every one of them in case it's someone I went to high school with.
15 Views
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Friend: you sure you want another drink, you look pretty lit Me:
20 Views
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When you have to make excuses for your horrendous eating habits... Well, the fridge broke, so I had to eat everything.
23 Views
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Looks like the Alpacalypse is finally here...
14 Views
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my alarm... me, coming up on the thrilling conclusion to my dream's storyline
22 Views
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I think my dog just realized he's a dog
27 Views
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My guardian angel is looking down on me, like...
28 Views
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Walking past the mall kiosk person like...
20 Views
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When you said you wanted to ride me this wasn't what I had in mind
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When my husband says we're going to visit his family...
26 Views
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Me realizing 2019 is probably going to be even worse than 2018...
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In 2019 let's stop asking people " what do you like to do in your free time? " We all just watch Netflix. Quit making it awkward.
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Me...The last pickle
19 Views
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