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Dude this song smells amazing
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You may pat my head gently with YUR pinky finger
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I killed a black snake why u not happy
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When u let a small obstacle keep you from achieving your dreams
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holy cracker, I forgot my briefcase
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So you're just gonna scroll past without saying howdy
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I drink because you pretend to throw the ball, Dave
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My dog met a fish the other day at the vet
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Meet Harrison. He's a silly boy who falls asleep in weird positions.
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CAN I COME IN PLEASE? SO I CAN BEG TO GO OUTSIDE.
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OH, I'M SORRY... WERE YOU READING THIS?
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Our new puppy is an asshole
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When you're trying to act sober in the uber so the driver doesn't judge you
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Friend: you sure you want another drink, you look pretty lit Me:
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I think my dog just realized he's a dog
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when u say the word treat around ur dog
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This is Robert. He does this every time he realizes his walk is over
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My friend is selling a desk and chair and didn't know the measurements so used her 12 pound chiweenie for scale
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Inside every husky is a little  girl who dreams of her big day
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I POOP IN THE HOUSE AND HE LOSES HIS MIND I POOP OUTSIDE HE CHEERS ME ON, BAGS IT, AND BRINGS IT BACK IN! WTF!
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It's how cold outside? Nope, no plans today.
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My dog is unamused by our house guest.
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Sharon, you and I both know there is a pill wrapped in that slice of ham
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How I'll BE SPENDING  NEW YEAR'S EVE
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Excuse me, but the creature with sharp claws is in my bed again.
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I have two moods...
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When u get to the age when you hate ur birthday but people won't stop celebrating it
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WHAT  DO YOU MEAN THAT IS YOUR NOSE?
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question: will lunch be provided?
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My dog after watching netflix with me all day, was like...
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