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I just want a relationship as strong as this lady's heels.
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Me one hour after eating Taco Bell... I'm crowning. I'm crowning!
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When you cut all of your jeans up in the summer and now it's getting cold
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I DON'T KNOW IF IT'S PRONOUNCED " STEF " OR " STEVE " CURRY AND AT THIS POINT I'M TO AFRAID TO ASK
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When you grow weed and your grandma ask if anyone can help with her orchids
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this is how I use my computer
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When someone who doesn't drink wants to hang out and asks what you wanna do
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Me when I find out my wife finished a series on Netflix we were supposed to watch together
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Strip clubs are so weird these days...
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Trying to find that post I was just reading before Fb refreshed my damn timeline.
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When you're high as a kite and decide to go for a little bike ride.
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Pretty sure the guy in the red shirt is trying to use the force to stop the bat.
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Can't fault a man for showing what he's passionate about
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Person: " so you just look at memes all day instead of socializing? " me: it's a peaceful life.
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me... my brain's collection of useless facts
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Wife might be taking the car but the judge didn't say anything about the engine.
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NO PLEASE! I don't want to leave my love.
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When you leave a party and you're still drunk:
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How i feel when i leave my cellphone at home ...
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Without my cell phone, i wouldn't ... 1) know what time it is. 2) Be able to solve math problems. 3) Know a single phone number. 4) Be able to survive work, class, life etc... 5) Find my way in the dark.
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Cardio is so much better when your active wear is on point.
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IS THIS THE LIVE ACTION OF... TOY STORY?
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me ... last pringle in pringles can
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When you stand in the shortest checkout line but the one next to you is moving faster.
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when you're showing your friend a video and they tap the screen to see how much time is left
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When someone tells me to wake up early and go to the gym with them, I'm like... DEMON.
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When I see my bestie out in public, I'm like...
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When you drop the can of rolls on the floor and the dough pops out...
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