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HEY BABY ... I want you like a non-metal wants electrons.
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You know that tingly feeling you get when you like someone? That's common sense leaving your body.
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Me hiding the last beer from my husband...
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Not so romantic when you see the whole picture...
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Quick, hand me my phone. I need to call the boys.
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When you've had a lot to drink and are too drunk to move, so you just sit there like...
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The awkward moment when someone tapes a photo of Gollum to your mirror and you have a mini heart attack
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If I ever win the lotto, I'm getting myself a walk in closet.
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In line behind this guy buying condoms & his card got declined.
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A virgin birth i can believe, but finding three wise men?
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Are you serious? They just said no flash photography!
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Long-Term Broke Up With Me Because We couldn't Handle Distance But My Tissues have Lotion, So I Got That Going For Me, Which Is Nice!
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Stuck in traffic, might as well get comfy.
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" Just one more cast " Is equivalent to a woman saying she'll be ready in 5 minutes.
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This is the most redneck wedding in southern history.
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I have a particular set of skills, skills i have learned over my career. I will find your fishing spot and i will fish it.
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Me every day of my life... I've got to do something about the way I look!
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Me watching politics on the news in 2017 like...
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My kid emptying their backpack on the kitchen floor on the last day of school like...
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When someone tells me carbs are bad for me, I'm like...
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When he comes back in the room and sees his phone on, you're like... what?
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Wait, what is playing in theaters?
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