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I wish all my younger siblings would appreciate how low I set the bar for them.
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When the food two tables away smells really good...
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Well, that's just about enough internet for one day...
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Can I borrow this shirt Dad?
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ME: I LOVE TO TRAVEL BANK ACCOUNT: LOL TO WHERE, THE BACKYARD?
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Doorknob is short for Doorknobert
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My five year old was so proud he was able to figure this out, I didn't have the heart to tell him...
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My Body: " Yeah, I'm almost asleep. " My Bladder: " I don't think so, Sally. "
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There should be a zoo of drunk white people doing stupid shit It's called Florida.
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Pretty sure these people will name their kid either McKayleigh, or Braxtynn
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When your parents ask you for help with technology
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Hi,I've forgotten what room i'm in!
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Canada was definitely running out of ideas for street names.
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I do not know how to cook rice, but I can make a beautiful rice bowl.
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" what should we call our shoe store? " guy named Robert: ok hear me out
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WHEN YOU CAN'T AFFORD A 4X4 SO YOU LIFE YOUR TOASTER
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When your charger isn't long enough but good thing Christmas is around the corner
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when your masculinity is too fragile but you want a bath bomb
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IF ANYONE IS CHRISTMAS SHOPPING FOR ME I WEAR A SIZE 7-DAY CARIBBEAN CRUISE
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Believe in something Even if it means diarrhea.
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When i am home alone, every noise i hear is a serial killer.
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When you're blind but she says she's home alone.
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And this is why women live longer than men.
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Time Management Tip. Don't just sit there check your fuses.
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Short girl problems when the sun visor doesn't even help when you're driving.
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You're leaving ... May the chicken of happiness and the sausage of prosperity follow you wherever you go.
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not to brag but I don't need alcohol to send texts I regret
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please pick-up here
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