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Find someone in your life that looks at you like Seth Rogen looks at his gravity bong
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Friends bring happiness into your life... Best friends bring beer
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I'M A RESPONSIBLE ADULT. OK? JUST LAST WEEK I PURCHASED A VEGETABLE
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Turns out, Dorito grilled cheese sandwiches is exactly what college tastes like
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" Yes, we accept cash or head scratches "
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It's nice to see that ventriloquism still draws crowds
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Me when ever someone sends me puppy pictures...
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Man Sues McDonalds For Still Being Depressed After Eating Happy Meal
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Me trying to suck all the bullshit I had to deal with today from my memory
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Me on social media vs me in person
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When people ask me how my 95 year old Grandfather is, I'm like... A LITTLE RACIST
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The word " Anna " shifted up the alphabet one letter becomes " Boob " Ho. Ly. Shit
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How your girl looks at you when you're chilling with her and your phone vibrates a couple times in a row
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ROSS DRESS FOR LESS... Marshalls
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WHEN YOU COME HOME FEELING TIRED AND HUNGRY AT THE SAME TIME
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I'm kinda in the mood for a cinnamon roll right now...
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Marriage is about understanding what irritates your spouse and using it strategically
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Florida man dances on police vehicle to ward off vampires
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ABSOLUTELY NO ALCOHOL BEYOND THIS POINT SO START CHUGGING... I'm ok with that
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Whenever I'm on the toilet my cat holds his paw on my foot to make me feel safe
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When you're running low on Red paint.
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The end of this kids book ends on the most riveting cliffhanger I've ever seen
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I WANT TO RUN WILD AND LIVE MY LIFE TO THE FULLEST BUT I ALSO WANT TO BE IN BED BY 9
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I call bullshit
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If I've learned one thing in this life... Dick gets everyone in trouble
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In just a moment... those kids are going to learn so many new words
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When you wake up realizing that you have 4 minutes to get sober, get dressed and make it to work
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College students: " we're all in the same boat " The boat:
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When you're trying to add together the tip and total on your bar receipt after a night of hard drinking
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When You Can't Afford Something So You Put It Back
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This summarizes my love life I'm the guy in blue
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Nice try ghosts.
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THUMBS UP IF YOU LIKE TUNA!
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That Cake Looks REAL Good Maam' But MEZ Saw The Cat Pee On That.
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