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This makes me sick. I mean, how many muppets had to die so you could decorate your car?
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Your grandpa used to write your grandma love letters longer than a college thesis. Now, here you are. texting women pictures of your penis.
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The last of our generation
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Am I constantly tired? Yes. But am I staying awake when I should be sleeping? Also, yes
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When you get a haircut and you're waiting for someone to notice:
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Can you imagine going to jail because of a lizard?
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After y'all done fuckin and he tryna put the fitted sheet back on
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YOU WALK INTO THE LAUNDROMAT AND SEE THIS WHAT DO YOU DO?
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arms weak... paws are sweaty... masters home... hair spaghetti
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Going to work on the first day vs now
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Looked out my office window today and I have to admit, it's nice knowing I'm not the only one who sucks at my job.
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My cat only poops standing
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My mother in law's cat sits on the post like this and judges neighbours
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DID YOU JUST SAY COOKIES?
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HELLO I'M HERE TO EAT YOUR FOOD ER- I MEAN HELP COOK
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JUST THOUGHT I'D GIVE POT A TRY!
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My cat Mr. Puss looks like a snail when he poops
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SORRY I ACCIDENTALLY BUTT DIALED YOU!
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When you decide to wait in the car while your Mom goes shoe shopping
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My neighbor's dogs are kinda freaking me out right now.
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When I forget to feed her, she's like...
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When you been with bae all day and he leaves
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Ladies, if he... 1. Is hot... 2. always smells good... 4. makes your mouth water... 4. is amazing... 5. leaves you wanting more... He is not your man. He is a taco
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Dad... You are SUCH a lazy d@#k!
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WHEN YOU COME HOME FEELING TIRED AND HUNGRY AT THE SAME TIME
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When you wake up realizing that you have 4 minutes to get sober, get dressed and make it to work
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Satanic ritual to summon the Goodest Boy Ever
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PUPPIES COMING SOON!
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Me trying to do a sit up...
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GREAT HARVEST BRO
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