A friend on Facebook posted this on her newsfeed: "Do something today that your future self will thank you for" - So I unfriended her.
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Once you delete your birthday date from Facebook you realize no one gave a crap about you
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Every day i get to work with the best intentions and the right attitude... Then idiots happen.
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Billionaire according to Hollywood.. Billionaire in Real Life...
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Separated at birth, Chad Smith from the Red Hot Chili Peppers, Will Ferrell from Saturday Night Live
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Why men are not allowed to take messages.
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If someone says, "I Love You" and you don't feel the same way, just say " I Love YouTube" really fast...
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I don't normally surf the internet, but when i do, i just BROWS
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Justin Bieber ...30 years later
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What should you do if you miss your Mother In Law? Reload the gun and try again!!!
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My teacher tells me beauty is on the inside. That's just something ugly people say.
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Jenny just found out her Zumba class was canceled this week. She's not taking it well.
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Why would you make fun of a fat person at the gym...
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Did you bring a date tonight? No thanks for pointing that out.
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I don't know what is more nerve wrecking ... The first kiss OR the first fart
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Farted ... can't breathe
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A cop pulled me over and said, "Papers..." So I said, "Scissors, I win!" and drove off.
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Hide yo kids ... Hide yo wife
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FATHER? What Wizard did this to you?
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Hermione ... Facebook ~2035~
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The only way to bag a classy lady is to give her two tickets to the gun show!
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What are we gonna sleep over and do each other's hair next?
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a man lives here
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RUN...these vulturous lunatics just found out i have money
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Farts are never funny
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Shhhh...i iz seen farter Crispmess!
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I ask for back scratches then i fart in the scratcher's face.
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In the divorce my wife got the house and the car...i delivered the car today...
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So I'm boring because i don't drink or go clubbing? Have you ever thought maybe you're boring because you need alcohol for your dull personality?
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NOT SURE IF THAT'S RUDE OR FUNNY?
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