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The awkward moment when you read a fast food sign and realize that the internet has in fact ruined you
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Relationship Goals... SHE'S MY SWEET POTATO... I YAM
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" Take me down to bearadise city, where the girls are bears and they're all real pretty. "
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LOST... Water bottle
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I call this part of the fridge " the butter's penthouse "
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When you have some extreme pinterest crafts that need glueing
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STOP ENCOURAGING EVERYONE TO GO TO COLLEGE THERE IS NOT ENOUGH PARKING
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Hot air balloon rides in Australia are a bit more extreme...
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I do whatever the voices in my wifes head tell me to do
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When you come home drunk and start lecturing your pets
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Me whenever i'm inconvienced  a little bit...
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HEY DOC, CAN I MAKE A SPECIAL REQUEST?
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Dating after 30 is like... I don't care who you are, where you're from, what you did, as long as you love me.
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WHEN LIFE GIVES YOU LEMONS BE GLAD IT WASN'T HERPES
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Where will you be when the Taco Bell you had for lunch kicks in?
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Me: I need to stop being lonely and talk to people... Someone: Hey... Me:
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THERAPIST: Listen, I really need you to relax... ME: * banging fists on table* BUT HOW CAN IT BE " BIRTHDAY CAKE " FLAVOR IF A BIRTHDAY CAKE CAN BE ANY FLAVOR
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me attempting to use several of my friends logins
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6 year old me... a third gummy vitamin even though the box says you can only have two
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When you let your best buddy read the texts from a fight you had with your girl
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I WOULD LIKE YOUR PICS BUT THE WAY MY RELATIONSHIP IS SETUP
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The OH MY GOD I'M GLAD UR HOME starter pack
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I showed you my butthole pls respond
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YES YOU HEARD US CORRECTLY WE'LL TAKE ALL OF YOUR HAMBURGERS
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I see the problem. Your guitar is out of tuna
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The look of betrayal
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Gargling! Not as easy as it looks!
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" You mad babe? "..." No "..." Let's see a smile then "
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Me atleast 5 times a day... What's wrong with me? Ohh, don't open that door
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His ball rolled under there while I was at work.
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Starbucks is planning on selling beer and wine. Apparently it's getting difficult to sell sober people a $12 cup of coffee
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Desperate times call for desperate measures...
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WHEN A PLUMBER AND AN ELECTRICIAN DON'T GET ALONG
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my son is a moron and that's OK
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When you're not going to let a little rain ruin a good time.
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Just another reason to date tall guys
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ID EAT HERE... THE OWNER
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I like how they both look equally confused about this activity
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Even more proof that guys have no idea what they are talking about...
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The best sign I saw on our vacation
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WE DIDN'T SAY NOBEL PRIZE WE SAID... NO BAIL, SURPRISE!
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ALL MEN ARE CREATED EQUAL FALSE. YOU WERE CREATED STUPID.
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When you spray the bathroom after you use it and now it smells like tropical fart
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The first testicular guard, the " Cup, " was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet used in 1974... That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important. Ladies..... Quit Laughing
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MEN To the left because WOMEN are always right
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Me trying to make it through a work day, like...
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INTERVIEWER: SO WHY DO YOU WANT THIS JOB? WELL I'VE ALWAYS BEEN REALLY REALLY PASSIONATE ABOUT NOT STARVING TO DEATH
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HERE HOLD MY DIGNITY, I'VE GOT SOME SKETCHY SHIT TO DO
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You have been visited by Bob Ross holding a baby raccoon hope it brightens your day
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Me: Just a tiny fart, nobody will hear it Ass: THX
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Has spent months in the coldest part of westeros with barely something to eat STILL FAT
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RESERVED FOR GREEN VEHICLES
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