What in the actual hell, Mike?
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Netflix: Are you still there? Me:
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" Take me down to bearadise city, where the girls are bears and they're all real pretty. "
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Me: I need to stop being lonely and talk to people... Someone: Hey... Me:
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The OH MY GOD I'M GLAD UR HOME starter pack
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I showed you my butthole pls respond
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YES YOU HEARD US CORRECTLY WE'LL TAKE ALL OF YOUR HAMBURGERS
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I see the problem. Your guitar is out of tuna
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The look of betrayal
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Gargling! Not as easy as it looks!
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" You mad babe? "..." No "..." Let's see a smile then "
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His ball rolled under there while I was at work.
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I'm starting to think I shouldn't have let our goat watch Alex Honnold's movie, Free Solo
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When you saw only one set of footprints, it was then that i carried you.
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Me... Taco bell... 4 hours later Taco bell... me
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Payback is a dish best served cold...
3 Views
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Now I am become Death, the destroyer of worlds.
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YEP, I've Gotz De UTI... Tired Of DE HUMans Puttin Pills down my throat  & staring at my junk!!!!
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Me trying to fit in last years swim suit, like...
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I'm not proud but what's done is done
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She works hard for the money
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When i'm crying he brings me his mice
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Where the heck is the pizza guy?
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Take the kids to the zoo they said! it will be good for them they said!
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He keeps looking at himself in the mirror and crying. To be honest, i've never related more to a dog in my entire life than I do right now
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If she goes outside we shut the door and she hates it. So she keeps her butt inside to prevent this while she birdwatches. Meet Sofie.
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FETCH?!... COME AND TAKE IT!
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Dear Diary
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I think my cat is actually a tiny man in a cat suit
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I made a tiny turban for a friend's baby, tried it out on the cat first...
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When your soul is dark and evil, and they ask you to smile
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I brought you a phtick
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Brother, may i have some loops?
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Please read the instruction manual carefully!
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Some cats bring their humans birds and mice... Oliver brings me teabags
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WHEN YOUR SLAVES FEED YOU BUT THE BOWL IS NOT IN THE RIGHT SPOT
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My uncles guard dog makes mean faces till you go away
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I WOULD LIKE A TREAT CHEESE DOODLES WILL DO
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This is Bruce and he likes to stare at fans
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I have good news it turns out that you're the good boy, yes you are.
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When ur mom wants a nice family photo together but y'all got other plans
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IF YOU THINK MY HEAD IS BIG, YOU SHOULD SEE MY HEART!!
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I've found the bus to heaven
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HOW DID I EARN SO MANY MARDI GRAS BEADS? EIGHT NIPPLES
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Fine, just go Sharon. I'm just going to stay here and fart in your pillow and lick your toothbrush.
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Dear jesus, please protect this family from the people who deliver the mail and from the evil cat across the street...
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My husband told me he had a surprise for me in our bedroom. I must admit, I was surprised.
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Red Tory party peoples vote
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I like my women like i like my mouse Computer literate and on the side
41 Views
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It's your birthday I like to propose a toast!
39 Views
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Dude this song smells amazing
42 Views
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You may pat my head gently with YUR pinky finger
30 Views
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