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alcoholism... me... finals week
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Marvel: " Infinity War is the most ambitious crossover event in history " Me:
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Not gonna lie, Shawshank Redemption 2 looks pretty dope
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WHEN YOU'RE TRYING TO CLEAN A SMALL SPOT ON YOUR GLASSES AND IT MAKES IT 3 TIMES AS WORSE
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Me: I need to start saving money. Also Me: Thou shalt spend
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OMG ... I have just had an intellectual moment. I Must Write a song!
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Funny Bon Jovi Pictures ... It's his life ... And his hairspray.
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Hand Sanitizer .01% of germs
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WHENEVER YOU FEEL YOU'RE WASTING YOUR MONEY REMEMBER FLOYD MAYWEATHER PAYS FOR A HAIRCUT
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Leaked footage of Spider-Man versus AntMan
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If i could turn back time .... Cher with a friend for daylight
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When life gets hard, always remember... The answer is Tequila.
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Can someone tell Johnny Downey Jr to put his shirt back on and go make another Pirates Of The Avengers movie?
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Shortest month and you select me. This will not be forgotten
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When you check your bank account after a while of not checking
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When you ask your kid if he needs to go potty and they're like... NO!
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What! Bend Over & Cough
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I hope They Have Cable Lockup is my show
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Is That For REAL?!!?
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Kanye, looking like he failed the audition for a star wars movie
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HOW I USE A PUBLIC TOILET
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Unnecessary life-vest ICE CUBES FLOAT
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Thanks, Internet, for always providing me with things I didn't know I wanted.
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When my boss asks me if i'm high, I'm like... Hehe, noooooooo sir.
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I'm not sure who wore it better, Kim Kardashian or my Dad.
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COOL... SOMEBODY DONE MADE A MEME OUT OF MY PIC
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When i heard Mariah Carey sing live
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Single? You had my curiosity but now you have my attention
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Wonder Woman: Single Cat Woman: Single Mystique: Single No one loves super heroes. That's why i'm single.
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Being called cute all the time but you're still single...
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No one owes you a damn thing get off your ass and earn it
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I'm not a jealous dude. But when too many dudes like my girls pic i text her this pic
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My moral in life is simple, you treat me good and I'll definitely treat you better.
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Talking to you is like talking to an old TV. I have to slap it a few times to get the picture.
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When i'm drunk with my cell phone... YOU GET A TEXT! EVERYONE GETS A TEXT!
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Good morning you sexy beast
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Kids born in the 90's are now old enough to drink
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he has my cell, email, and address! God I hope he's not a psycho!
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HAPPY NEW YEAR! OOPS, MERRY CHRISTMAS!
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HAPPY EASTER!
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Guess who's announcing the winning powerball numbers THIS GUY!!!!
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SWEETY, Im gon' stare till you take  the crying baby outside
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She has a boyfriend  just let that sink in
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My favorites are the dark green ones. They taste like anchovies.
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AUTOCORRECT CHANGED " MORNING RUN " TO " MORNING RUM " ...CHANGE OF PLANS, GUYS.
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After working out for 10 minutes... I'm pretty tired i think i'll go home now
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How yo mama be looking when she gotta take you to school early in the morning cause you late
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THAT LOOK YOU GIVE... WHEN YOUR BOYFRIEND TRYIN' TO PROMISE YOU "FOREVER"
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WHEN LIFE GIVES YOU LEMONS... SHOUT AT LIFE
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THAT MOMENT THAT YOU REALIZE... YOUR EX WOULD MAKE A GREAT SONG
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THAT MOMENT WHEN... THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE IS TRANSGENDER
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THAT MOMENT WHEN... THE WIFE LEAVES YOU FOR YUR BFF
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