Me whenever i'm inconvienced  a little bit...
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HEY DOC, CAN I MAKE A SPECIAL REQUEST?
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me attempting to use several of my friends logins
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Desperate times call for desperate measures...
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When you're not going to let a little rain ruin a good time.
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I like how they both look equally confused about this activity
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HAIR I WANT... HAIR I'LL GET
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Damn that hair is to long
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Holy shit, pray for me
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Waiter: Tonight's special, fish chowder. Me: Fresh Powder? Waiter: NO, FISH CHOW- Me:
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The creepy drunk guy at the bar, is like... " You're pretty. "
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The awkward moment when you realize your teenager isn't the brightest bulb in the box.
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Woke up this morning to this little guy in my fridge, Drunk me has some explaining to do.
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When HTML is life:
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LEAVING THE SALON... THE NEXT MORNING
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Me looking at myself after I just spend money that I was supposed to be saving
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MY FACE WHEN MY STUDENTS SAY SOMETHING FUNNY BUT I'M A TEACHER SO I TRY TO KEEP MY COMPOSURE
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IDK WHY THEY CALL IT " MID " LIFE WHEN LITERALLY MY ENTIRE LIFE HAS BEEN A CRISIS
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The awkward moment when a group of Nuns see you carrying a 4 foot inflatable penis.
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" Country roads, take me home, to the place I belong " Me: * deep inhale * WEST VIRGINIAAAA
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Grow your weed in a wheelbarrow, so when the cops come you can run away with it. That's what grandma always said
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I Think part of getting older is when you'd rather day drink, than go out all night.
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You look tired... I'm just ugly
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Me on my 535th try at taking a decent selfie...
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Daddy this is the front.
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Who said men can't multitask
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The face of a new father of quadruplets...
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When your baby cries for your wife and creativity is all you got.
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Dating? Ain't nobody got time for that!!
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If men are going to make fun of a woman Make sure you look like this first.
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Just want to inform you girls This is not what we guys are looking for!!
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Secret to longevity? Stay away from men Sweetie!!
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A smart man will make his women feels  like she's always right
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75% of men kiss their wives goodbye when they leave the house. 90% of men kiss their house goodbye when they leave their wife.
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Ways to tell a woman's mad at you: 1) She's silent 2) She's yelling 3) She acts the same 4) She acts different 5) She murdered you
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Who's that sexy beast? ...Oh, I clicked on my own profile again.
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Gentlemen, if this man slaps your girlfriend, wyd?
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Whenever a beautiful woman needs help. Oh my, i think I've dropped one of my contacts...
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Some days you just have to put on the hat to remind them who they are dealing with.
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Natural beauty is for lazy people.
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When your hair appointment gets canceled after you've already taken out yo weave.
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When I say i'm not going to drink at the party, but an hour later, I'm like... " I'm Batman "
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When you speed past a cop and try to see if they pulled out after you
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I know a single parent when I see one...
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Pretty sure this is why they caution us when " men are working ahead. "
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Screw it!! I'm gardening!
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"You can't stay mad when listening to Ukulele".
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I threw a shotgun shell at my daughter's date told him it's much faster after 10 pm.
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Survive shotgun to the chest with no medical attention. Ride horse into water and die instantly.
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When i call the wrong number: Random person: "Hello? Who is this?" Me:
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Never let them know your next step
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When you have to make excuses for your horrendous eating habits... Well, the fridge broke, so I had to eat everything.
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