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my alarm... me, coming up on the thrilling conclusion to my dream's storyline
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Walking past the mall kiosk person like...
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Ultra rare picture of a vegan being born
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Have ye ever listened to some folks for a minute and thought... " Their cornbread ain't done in the Middle "
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When you're staying at a friends house and they forget to give you a blanket.
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If you can't fix it, atleast be creative:
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I'm not sick, i'm twisted sick makes it sound like there's a cure.
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Me trying to jump over the obstacles in my life.
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Maybe next time Alex  you'll obey when the flight attendant tells you to shut up.
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GET RICH... I don't have time for that
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She got rich because of one sentence.
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We all have that one friend who gets overly affectionate when they get drunk.
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Internet: 2018 was a rough year... Me: " But did you die? "
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Not gonna lie, Grandpa looks pretty good for his age...
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Dads waiting for January 1st 0:01 so they can drop " I haven't seen you in a year "
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How it feels when you take down your tree and decorations...
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Other girls this winter vs. Me this winter
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When someone asks me if I can be ready in 20 minutes... Oh god, honey. No.
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Me walking past a sink full of dirty holiday dishes
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My mom at the grocery store... Me... Someone she knows
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Know what else they tol' me? They ain't got no fried chicken on this flight!
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Shower curtain with pockets for your electronic devices
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Home owner be like I watched You Tube.
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If you could go ahead and stop  wishing me a Happy New Year that'd be great.
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I stole from a 9 year old on her birthday! Don't steal or this could happen to you!
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Your girlfriend thinks i'm hot. Help me to buy her some glasses.
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Roses are red violets are blue Vodka costs less than dinner for two
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Sometimes i wonder if she dreams about me
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Whenever i start to get lonely i just stop being lonely and start being awesome instead
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This summarizes my love life I'm the guy in blue
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No one wants to tickle me
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When you're DJ'ing from your phone and it shuffles to a John Mayer song
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Men after they cough once:
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When you skip the tutorial
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Surviving the holiday season, like...
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I've been doing it wrong this whole time...
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When you go out hoping to not see anyone, but then you run into everyone you know...
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when someone laughs at my joke and their face lights up
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I just want a relationship as strong as this lady's heels.
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Me one hour after eating Taco Bell... I'm crowning. I'm crowning!
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When you cut all of your jeans up in the summer and now it's getting cold
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I DON'T KNOW IF IT'S PRONOUNCED " STEF " OR " STEVE " CURRY AND AT THIS POINT I'M TO AFRAID TO ASK
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When you grow weed and your grandma ask if anyone can help with her orchids
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this is how I use my computer
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When someone who doesn't drink wants to hang out and asks what you wanna do
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Me when I find out my wife finished a series on Netflix we were supposed to watch together
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Strip clubs are so weird these days...
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Trying to find that post I was just reading before Fb refreshed my damn timeline.
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When you're high as a kite and decide to go for a little bike ride.
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Pretty sure the guy in the red shirt is trying to use the force to stop the bat.
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Can't fault a man for showing what he's passionate about
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Person: " so you just look at memes all day instead of socializing? " me: it's a peaceful life.
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