I call this part of the fridge " the butter's penthouse "
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When you have some extreme pinterest crafts that need glueing
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STOP ENCOURAGING EVERYONE TO GO TO COLLEGE THERE IS NOT ENOUGH PARKING
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Hot air balloon rides in Australia are a bit more extreme...
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When you come home drunk and start lecturing your pets
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THERAPIST: Listen, I really need you to relax... ME: * banging fists on table* BUT HOW CAN IT BE " BIRTHDAY CAKE " FLAVOR IF A BIRTHDAY CAKE CAN BE ANY FLAVOR
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6 year old me... a third gummy vitamin even though the box says you can only have two
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Me atleast 5 times a day... What's wrong with me? Ohh, don't open that door
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Starbucks is planning on selling beer and wine. Apparently it's getting difficult to sell sober people a $12 cup of coffee
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WHEN A PLUMBER AND AN ELECTRICIAN DON'T GET ALONG
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my son is a moron and that's OK
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RESERVED FOR GREEN VEHICLES
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My mom after I rolled my eyes at her... Me
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Brain... Logic... Anxiety
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I made a cake for any and everyone who's ever come in contact with me...
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* 6am, open eyes * i can't wait to go to bed tonight
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When you get on the elevator alone and you see someone walking towards it
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YOUTUBE LOADING... THE AD... MY VIDEO
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BARBIE AT HER 45TH HIGH SCHOOL CLASS REUNION
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No comment
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When you try to win an argument now a days
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Checklist
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The Stroller Your Child Deserves
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FINALLY FOUND THE POT AT THE END OF THE RAINBOW
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Who is the owner and how did the phone end up there? And more importantly, how can you get it if the window doesn't open?
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NAILED IT! HAHA
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THERE ARE VERY FEW THINGS ON THIS PLANET AS IRRITATING AS BEING SOBER AROUND A DRUNK PERSON.
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Just because we're neighbors, doesn't mean we're friends.
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Why is it so much easier to fall asleep on the couch unintentionally than to fall asleep in bed intentionally
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Me... Groceries meal prepped for the week... Taco Bell
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When someone tells me, " Great question. " I never hear their answer because i'm busy congratulating myself for asking such a great question.
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Son: Mom, can I sleep with you? I'm scared. Me: No, I can't risk the monster following you into my room and killing me.
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Me: I really need to start saving money. Friend: Wanna go out to eat??? Me: ABSOLUTELY
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Me all night vs me 5 minutes before alarm rings
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Looks like your Mom is drying her eye lashes.
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Science fact: it is impossible for a man to walk by a pallet jack without strongly considering using it like a scooter
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Kermie, I wonder what our kids will look like?
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When you almost wreck your prius crossing over 3 lanes of traffic because there's a Chili's at the next exit.
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APPARENTLY... SOMEONE IS IN DENIAL!
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When you tell your mom you're hungry and she replies "have some fruit"
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I sat quietly with my own thoughts today. Remind me never to do that again.
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Every dog that you've ever seen riding in a car had absolutely no idea where it was going. Imagine living like that.
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Cutlery... Stablery... Scooplery
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WHEN I BLOW DRY MY CLIENT... WHEN THE CLIENT BLOW DRIES THEIR OWN HAIR
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Do ya wear your crocs in Defense or Attack mode?
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When your bestie mixes you her, special drink
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Almost a 2yr old for sale. Been crying for 10 mins cuz he can't get in the oven with the cornbread. Entertaining all offers
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FOUND THIS AT THE ANTIQUE SHOP...  I DIDN'T BUY HER BUT SHE WAS WAITING FOR ME IN THE HOUSE WHEN I GOT HOME
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Any man who can do this, should be allowed to do so.
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Me when my internet says it's connected... " THEN FREAKING ACT LIKE IT! "
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YOU NEVER REALLY REALIZE HOW TRULY SARCASTIC YOU ARE UNTIL YOU HAVE A MINI-ME WHO ACTS THE SAME WAY.
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There are two kinds of ikea shoppers...
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