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After I spend 10 minutes explaining to my husband what to do with the kids while i'm gone, he's like... I think I got it, But just in case... tell me the whole thing again, I wasn't listening
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When I ask my crush what she likes about me, she's like... you are a sad, strange little man, and you have my pity
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After all the really bad dates i've been on lately, I'm starting to think this lady speaks the truth. 109-Year-Old Woman Says Secret To Long Life Is Avoiding Men
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I enjoy romantic walks to the Taco Truck.
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How my husband sleeps when our newborn baby is crying at night...
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When my wife has a map on her dress, I'm like... " I'M GOING ON AN ADVENTURE! "
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My wife cleaning off her night stand like...
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When my wife says she's only going to buy a couple things from Target, I'm like... There's a jet stream of bullshit coming out of your mouth right now!
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I wished her happy birthday on her Facebook and she liked my comment.
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If she eats her french fries with a fork, she's not gonna want to do that thing you like
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My husband when ever he gives the kids a lot of sugar right before bed time.
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Just Found Out My Girlfriends A Man.... What Does That Make Me?!!?
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It was my husbands turn to feed her...
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When your wife calls to see if you pulled the chicken out of the freezer so she can cook it when she gets home in ten minutes and you're like, " Of course sweetie. "
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When you're dating a guy with a jacked up truck...
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When your girlfriends wins the lotto and she says she doesn't ever want to see you again...
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Study: Female dragonflies will fake sudden death to avoid males they don't like... OMG ME TOO!!!
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OHHH, REALLY I Just Told You "I Love You," And All You Can Say Is Me Too?!!?
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I Will Break Up With You Girlfriend.... 15 Seconds To Reply?!!?
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What our sink looks like when my wife finally cleans off her nightstand...
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How some couples talk dirty in bed... You like that, baby...  Me talking dirty in bed... Oh, baby. Mmm, yeah.
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YOU WANNA FIND Mr. RIGHT HEY... One Wave Of My Magic Wand Will Do The Trick.
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When my husband wants to go camping with me, I let him do this for a few nights. Because marriage is all about compromising. Oh, and he's da*n lucky to have me.
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Me: " I'm over him... " Me stalking him on every social site he's on:
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My husband went grocery shopping and now I have a fruit basket full of cupcakes.
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After a long day with the kids and my husband asks if he can do anything for me, I'm like... Any time you see me without a drink in my hand, you put a drink in my hand. Got it?
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Hard to believe this guy's still single...
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This is what happens when you ask your husband to put pillow cases on the pillows.
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I just want a relationship like Jake Gyllenhaal has with his dog.
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This would be me as a wife... HEY HONEY! GOOD MORNING! HOW DID YOU SLEEP? I ADOPTED 32 DOGS. DO YOU WANT PANCAKES
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When my husband wakes up and says, " Aren't mornings amazing! " And then I'm like... " Seriously, are you on crack? "
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My husband when I ask him to cook something...
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Being single for a long period of time is dangerous. Once you see how peaceful it is, you don't even wanna deal with people.
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Me and my besties when a guy doesn't text us back
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I finally found a lot of matches on Tinder!
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I broke up with my girlfriend at restaurant. She started crying. Everyone thought I proposed to her so they started clapping.
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Turns out Superman isn't the only one who can fly. Look at my Ex go!
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When your girl is wearing glo in the dark acrylic powder...
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I got wine.
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When my wife gives me directions...
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Date someone who gives you chills just by the way they look into your eyes
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Me trying to break up with my immature boyfriend like, " Mike, our relationship is over! "
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When your the third wheel in a couple's date and they start fighting...
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When you have to clean your man's eyes so he can see just how blessed he is to have you.
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Me bringing home a date for the holidays
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When your girlfriend is about to catch the bouquet...
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My current relationship status is, I just gave myself a surprise birthday party.
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When you really screwed up and you decide to make her an edible arrangement.
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If pillow displays were honest...
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When my parents ask me why i'm single... Me are bullshit
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When you're done with guys, so you and your besties decide to marry eachother.
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When your man says, "we need to talk..."
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