What wives say. What husbands hear.
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Almost all serial killers are men. That's because women like to kill just one man, very slowly, over many, many years.
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This is why i can't take my husband out to dinner ...
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Husband's are the best people to share secrets with. They will never tell anyone because they aren't even listening.
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If your love doesn't reach this deep RUN!
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Cheap Divorces. End the misery today!
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When she already knows truck is gonna get more love
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" See, right here. I'm not making it up. It's till' death do you part. " *well, sh*t
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I want to get married. When you learn to say sorry for no reason at all, then you're ready to get married!
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WHY SO SAD? It's only for the rest of your life!
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Love is beautiful.
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Will You Marry Me
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Just because I'm mad doesn't mean i stop caring
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Yes, honey. I'm still paying my life insurance premium.
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Happily ever after? Never heard of it
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The funny thing about a strong woman is that she doesn't need you -  She wants you and if your slacking she'll be content without you.
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Superwoman : Single ; Batwoman: Single; Wonderwoman: Single;  I get it now... I'm single because I'm a superhero.
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"I'm Single" because God is busy writing the best love story for me :)
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This could be us, but i hate running and you don't exist.
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My soulmate is out there somewhere,  pushing a pull door... I just know it.
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My wife is finally coming home from her week long trip, so you know what i'm getting tonight... yelled at. I'm gonna get yelled at.
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HAPPIEST DAY OF MY LIFE! THAT'S ME IN THE BACK
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For Sale By Owner Must sell lost job can't pay wife left took dog. House a gem except for asbestos. Best offer
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He stole my heart so i am planning revenge... I am going to take his last name
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Happy wife, happy life nothing rhymes with happy husband. Welcome to married life dumbass
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Stairway to my heart!
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Sure you can have "Boys night out" 32 messages, 41 missed calls, 20 voicemail.
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" Describe Your dream Wedding." ME:
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The real housewives of Alabama.
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DRIVING AROUND waiting on my wife to pick a place to eat.
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I LOVE YOU My beautiful wife.
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I told her i should shut off the internet for a while. She said, " Are you Satan?"
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Forget the dog Beware of the wife.
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My wife is so much better looking than me that a cashier just put a plastic divider down in the middle of our groceries.
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Go canoeing with your wife, they said nothing will go wrong they said
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A husband and wife had been arguing all day. There passed a herd of jackasses. Wife says, " Relatives of Yours?' Husband says, " Yep in laws."
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When you had a fight with your wife last night, but she still makes you lunch the next day.
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If the wife has $15.00 & You Have $10.00... How much Does The Wife Have?!!? She Has $25 Of Course!
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FIRE AWAY Just shoot me my wife wants more kids.
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Introduced my wife to Skyrim. Haven't had a sandwich in weeks.
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I told my husband that i would be ready in 5 minutes. It might  have taken a little longer than 5 minutes, but when i came out, i saw this.
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Married life. Any guess which one's the wife?
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I told my wife that a husband is like fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.
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Wife went to the store for 5 minutes.
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Mad with your wife? Go to the kitchen, and close all the jars really tight.
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My wife was so sick this morning ... That i had to carry her to the kitchen to make breakfast.
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MY EX WIFE. She brought religion into my life. I never believed in Hell until i met her.
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